"Nobody ever tells you there going to kill you, doesn't happen that way, there werent any arguements or curses like in the movies, See murders come with smiles, they come as your friends, the people who have cared for you all of your life, and they seem to always cum when you at your weakest or in most need of their help, but on the surface of course everythang was supposed to be fine" -Goodfellas
Watch the people you hang wit cuz love can get you killed
"Lord please forgive me for my sinnin i aint sayin that im finish but im prayin in advance"
-J. Cole
Sometimes wen im a get a moment to myself where i can think i ask myself mutiple questions about myself to try to get a deeper feelin of who i am and what im about. Everyday i look up to the sky and ask myself are my grandparents lookin down on me or is there minds else where taken care of my other family's problems, and if they lookin down at me are they proud of me? i never believed in followin in somebody footprints because i dont wana be anybody but erik, anybody before me im sorry but i wana be better then ya'll, I wana pick up where the great's left off and continue the progress. but nobody likes to see you doin gud sumtimes not even family. its sad to say but true. My heart been real heavy bout everythang goin on. Losing my grandmother i blamed God for takin her from me, i continuely asked myself hopein i would be able to answer but never found an answer to the question "why is everybody tells you that someone who has passed away has gone to a better place but everybody prays and thanks god they were able to wake up another day?" So far i've come to the conclusion that nobody knows and its unexplainable. I kno she's happy though cuz she loved my grandfava wit all her heart n now they are reunited again. My cuzzin always tells me she jealous of how carefree i can be. Alot gets to me but i hold my composure fo rthe best and step up wen i need to. But everybody isnt like that, some people trip and fall and stay down at the sign of misfortune or they jus give up and im proud of my fam for not givin up but for pushing on in memory of her. Throughout all this mourning i've been going thru i needed someone to talk to someone to be here but i didn't hold my breath cuz i figured God wouldn't bless me cuz i was born in this world by myself and ill handle my shit by myself. I always wonder where im going to end up cuz im not always sure im destined for greatness i know im destined for sumthang but i cant figure out wat it is and i pray whatever it is im happy with it. I gotta prove im not a waste of skin, ive said it before and ima say it again im not tryin be successful, i jus wana be significant. catchin up wit my family was mad crazy cuz dey always ask me wat i been up too or what am i doin now but i hear everybody talkin bout wat this or that person doin but nobody knows bout me...makes me wonder y not wen my mother talks to these same people every here and there, is she ashmed of me or something. I normally even question myself like what are you doing wit urself. Im in skool, im working, but am i jus there cuz i kn oim supposed to be there or am i really there cuz i want something from it? I typically can never find a answer but i needa clear my brain and continue to look at the glass half full and find a way to fill it up, cuz only quitters are losers. as God as my witness im turning things around for you granny, as tears stream down my face every nite till i fall asleep and i reminence about u during the day remembering smiles you placed on my face that make me tear up today...damn its hard but i gotta push on cu zwen grandaddy passed you told me he loved me very much and was always proud of me. ITs funny cuz my mother sat and told me the same thing wen you passed, as i cried my eyes out. I really cant help but cry wen i think of you, though sometimes there tears of joy cuz of all the great memories i have of you both but also tears of pain cuz i know neither of you is here wit me now except in spirit but spirits cant hug me wen i need a hug or tell me what i need to hear. I really miss you guys but one day we'll all be reunited and i know wen i go my real niggas will live on for me n da fake niggas will carry shit the same way they do now outta sight outta mind. But ima stay on track and im not gon let anything take me off my path again, not money, clubs, girls, or a piece of pussy. I gotta stay focused and do my thing cuz wen we meet again i jus want you to smile and tell me you proud of me...thats all i ask from you two...love you granny & grandaddy
All my life ive always heard it aint always bout where you go but more bout where you finish. I typically jus blow it off and think to myself ill be where im at wehn i get dere. Street Light's by knaye west sums this feeling up very well. I can count on my hand how many real friends i got, but i wuld need a bunch of toes n fingers to count how many niggas i thought had my back n my best interest. MY niggas been there from jump dey culd read me lik a book n dey neva pull my cards. Some niggas will claim to b ur friend but be mad wen u got sumthang good goin. Some niggas will play wit u jus to see ur reaction. Someniggas will jus out right use you. But its a bad storm brewin, its called life and through this life people want one thing to be happy. but different people have different meanings for happy, sum people need to b rich sum need to be loved sum need to b known by everyone so theyll do anything to get there sum need family sum need a significant other...me i culdnt tell u wat i need cuz i dont kno. I b so serious wen i tell people idk bout the things i want. I culd tell u the things i lik..music, art, nature, animals, beer, tree, my shawty, my niggas n warm weather. But if i aint learn anythang growin up its that nothing last forever because things change, the only way to conquer change is to adapt. my problem a couple months ago was i was tryin carry the weight of everyones problems on my shoulders, and wat i didnt understand was that it wasnt my responsibility to either. Dont get me wrong im still here for people but i have my own problems that i deal wit n need to focus on. At the end of the day im doin the things i need to do to get where i wana be. but i dont believe in people not weatherin the storm but tryin stick around for the sunny weather. But wen the dust settles whos gon be dere? u neva kno till its all gone in between the storms people may show up but ask urself are they willing to weather the storm with u cuz if not im not sure how much of ur friendship they deserve...think about ur worth n dont sell urself short. -alley boy e
Typically for the past few months i had trouble wit my feelings i had a heavy heart and was dumb stressed. My grandmova told me my heart was heavy cuz i wasnt being honest, bout wat she didnt kno but after talkin to her i figured id sit down n think about it. After almost an hour of carrying on wit my day i culdnt cum up wit anything. I racked my brain until i was lik man fuck it. I soon asked her again what that means, n she said "it may not be somthing that you "lied" about but something that you may b hiding or keeping a secret. After she said that i figured yea i do got a heavy heart cuz of my not always sayin what i really wana say. I try not to speak my mind too much but jus let my opininon out. Because most people aarent ready for the truth. Im not ready for the truth about alot of things. Being that now im happy cuz i really have no worries my life is moving accordingly and im figuring out wats important and to speak wen its important. Im not a person who talks about problems i jus carry shit on cuz i was raised to never show weakness such as fear, jealousy, n greed. I kno how to eat till the foods gone but id much rather make my food stretch (not literally). Being that now i got alot of my chest i do feel better, sumthings are easier den others but hey da ones who care bout ur feelings, thoughts, or even respect watever you tell them doesnt matter cuz itll never change dey perspective of you and da ones who it do matter too they dont matter. I figure the true meanin of happiness cant b obtained, cuz there's always sumthing but you can live your life lookin at da glass half full. No its not always sunny but dont let the clouds rain on ur parade. Ive had so many bad situations in my life dat sumtimes it is hard to keep moving on but somehow someway i keep on movin. I dont worry bout da next nigga i jus worry bout me (learned that in preschool) cuz what da next nigga eat doesnt make you shit (jay z). Ive learned to let go and how to make myself feel good throughout the day, music, smoke, joke time, sex, drinks, friends n good times is all i kno. Sometimes i look at people and i tell myself i dont wana end up lik them. Im not gud wit speakin out loud bout how i feel but im real gud at hidin how i feel. except wen im mad but i rarely get mad now i jus dont care bout it so dat way it wont ruin my day. I avoid problems n stay high. Im not here to impress anybody im here to live my life. Im not tryin be successful im tryin b significant. I can do bad by myself but i can do better wit my niggas, cuz ima family man i take care of the family man (juelz santana). So people as i bring this post to an end lighten the load on ur heart cuz lies, secrets, n grudges will b da downfall of you. free yourself n if people cant bang wit wat you doin fuck em den. you gotta get in where you fit it. now time for a spliff before class.
"Life is a blank page. You hold the pen and write your own story" I love hearin this statement because out of anythang I believe this the most. People who fail @ life gave up n didn't wana keep going on. People who succeed go above and beyond to get where they want to be. Personally I live my life as I see fit. If I wana do it I do it cuz u only live once n once u die who knos wat dere is to do. I write my own story n I don't believe in destiny I think everythang happens for a reason tho. I make my best effort to do the things that make me happy. I smoke I drink I laugh I fight I have a good time all da time. My ma always says she worries bout me n can't undastand y I don't stop doin da things I do. She asked me last nite how do I think the things I do n risks I take effect her. Cuz she told me if sumthang happens to me cuz of me stayin in da street shell neva forgive me. I tell her all da time ima b ok, but who am I to lie to her? I don't kno wats gon happen but I'm addicted to this life n lik drake said its gon b hard to quit. My mind tells me to jus stop but my heart says do wat makes u happy. I don't follow my mind I follow my heart because I'm not one to follow in sum1s footsteps cuz deres only one God and I'm not tryin b him I'm tryin b jus plain old alley boy e. Don't get me wrong I believe in God but I don't agree wit sumthangs in da bible all da time and I personally feel that you can't pick and choose which things out da bible u wana follow and I don't ever claim to be a good catholic neitha. Everythang dat seems wrong normally feels right and I have a feelin that God wants me to be happy and how can I b happy doin everythang dat doesn't make me happy? I live life with no regrets and I ask for forgiveness for my past sins n the future ones that I will commit. If Gods all merciful n understandin is it too much to for me to be happy wit wat I do? I wuldnt force my views on life or religion on any1 because to each his own. But as for me ima keep writin dis story of mine and as God as my witness one day he will be proud of me. I was put on dis earth for a reason and when I find it out ill be sure to let the story end with wat dat is. God knows my intentions are good its jus my actions aren't but can u punish a bad soul wit a good heart? -Alley Boy E
This post is for everybody going through hard times and feels like nothing can go right. Through all of my problems I couldn't find a reason to really keep going on, beside im not a quitter. Ive got trouble with family, "friends", and my ex. Someone once told me that people always take shit for granted and never realize what they have or had...I dont agree with that. I think peopl eappreciate others and all, its just they think they have forever to fix shit, when in actualitity we dont. Time is our only enemy, but can be our bestfriend. Becasue it could be only a couple more minutes to live, which is bad or someone came in the nick of time, which is good. Me myself i took everythang for granted. I thought i really had time to fix everythang and more importantly that these people and things would always feel a certain way about me.
ive never tried to be nothing im not, i always knew the difference between what makes me who i am and what makes me different from others. I can give all the advice in the world and giv u all my opinions n 2cents but i jus cant follow my own advice or opinions. A case of the "its easier said than done." I always giv watered down versions of my thoughts to people that ask, idk y but i do. And i always believe that people should have the freedom to do what they like because who am i or anyone else to tell somebody what they are doing is wrong or right? But if those things are what you wana do who to stop you from being happy? they say people are lik seasons in your life they come and go, and i know this better then most people. Jus know people where made to whether the storm, and make sure your team is strong lik my man hov said "nobody would fall because you all will be each others crutches." I live by that statement stay true to who you are and your dreams. And when you feel you've had enough problems, stress, n insecurities just remember somebody loves you enough to try and go through those trials n tribulations with you, wait your turn in line and dont worry bout what the next man is doing jus do you...lik dey told you in kindergarden dont worry bout no one but yourself...so if you catch me round town givin up daps and pounds just holla out WE OUT CHEA!!!!
Ppl may not kno exactly how much influence fear has on da human. Wen sumone is in fear their thoughts are in da face of fear. Wen ppl are in fear they panic. Great example is this snow storm that has hit DC. Wen they first started announcing snow ppl flowed stores to get the things they needed food, liquor, n movies. They fear that they won't b able to get these things later so out of fear they prepare themselves for the worse. Fear is a form of pressure that is on da person. We fear that things won't go right, so we set ourselves up to avoid failuare or misfortune. But we need risks bcuz wat if u were sure of everythang in ur life? Itd b pretty borin. Wat if jordan never played da game cuz he feared hed never make it? What if sammy sosa or mark mcguire never played baseball? People fear greatness but only great people conquor dere fears. But if u don't challenge ur fears hoW do u kno if u missing sumthang dat culd b great?
A song released yesterday that cudi did a couple years ago i really enjoy it and makes me feel good cuz it literally sums up my perspective on trees...cuz i be blowing mad trees LOL
Everytime i hear this song i think of you shawty if yall niggas not hip to pac div den u needa get ur fanny pack on smell me check out ther blog wen u get a chance...click below for direct link click here anyway without further adue heres my song Back by Pac div
O jus a lil info on me the top 5 websites i check out everyday uhmmm....
Tell me what u kno bout pain? Waking up everynite in a cold sweat? Sumtimes not goin to sleep cuz ur mind is so heavy wit pain u jus can't sleep? I put the blanket over my shoulders cuz its a cold world. I hav a huge trust problem. Which makes it so I struggle to believe sum1 wants to do gud by me. I always try to tell myself I'm too blessed to be stressed. Y am I liein to myself. Ova da past year I've lost 4friends n I'm slowly losin one of da closest my grandma...I sumhow messed up my thang wit her to. But I can't explain y I can't do what my body wants. The brain is powerful n mysterious. It controls ur actions. The brain knows wat da heart wants n does wat da heart asks. I look at my lost friends tombstones n wonder if everythang is everythang there. I hope it aint no beefs up in heaven no hoods no guns to take my mans away. TCB n backYard playevery nite n dey always rockin. I hope dat joint dat had ur hert on earth still loves u n yall b reunited again. The demons in me put pictures of death n suicide in my ming but my strongwill won't let me. Idk whod b hurt modt or betta yet @ all my kife wen I looked @ it half a year ago wasn't dat bad I was haPpy. Sometimes its nice for sumbody to heal those pains. But no one can cuz I culdnt tell u where to strt so I ask again wat is pain n how long will it rule my sleep...
I think everyday that I wake up I dream about movin and livin in california. It literally is a lifelong dream for me. Wen I close my eyes I can feel the warm weather n nice breeze. I can smell the dank that I'm gonna b able to roll up. The whole atmosphere in cali relaxes me jus thinkin bout it. I wuldnt even mind the work as long as I'm there. Boardwalks in da so called winter time. Exclusive clothes n lifestyle that comes wit it. As I read the hundreds blog n look at the pictures...damn one day it will be my reality. If dis clothin line pickes up u have no idea how quick ima pack my shit n roll. I hope to one day b one of those guys who has a popular brand of clothes. Where my life consists of me n my creativity alone. Where I can explore. I don't need to b rich cuz money is da root of all evil. I jus wana make the money I need to make my dream become a reality. I hope my art takes me far n my creativity takes me even futher. Cuz ima need a camera...a dope ass one so I can show ppl wat they missin bout that california lifestyle... Dream big or don't dream at all cuz u sell urself short wen u limit ur dreams. Wit that being said I leave you with this song a million dollars by big shawn enjoy this creative video cuz this is how I feel everyday captures my mind on video...
Uhh, I am the topic of conversation, this a celebration, Lets toast to the fact that I moved out my momma basement, To a condo downtown because its all about location, I sit and drink wine and watch californication of life, You shoulda been here to kick it with me, We coulda split this whole thing up 50/50, But now i’m at the 40-/40 getting b-tches tipsy, Killing sh*t the ever so talented Mr Ripley, How I go from being the man that you argue with, To me and Dwayne Carter putting out the hardest sh*t, I should wanna go back to the one I started with, But I’m addicted to this life its gonna be hard to quit, Yeah, just ask me how things are coming along, You can tell me that you never heard none of my songs, Long as you end up saying one day you plan to listen, Cuz whats a star when its most important fan is missing? -Say Something by timberland ft. Drake -Alley E...California Dreamin
"In time she'll mature n be all she can be lik the reserves" Lost One by Jay Z Through my days I struggle wit the concept of the future. I'm not sure of it at all to be honest. I wonder wat it holds for me n wat can I achieve if I apply myself. Everybody expects greatness from me n I can feel the pressure. I wake up everyday wit a terrible attitude n a fuck off writtin across my face. After my shower n music that I can relate too I get in my let's get it mood. People can't normally tell how I feel or wats on my mind cuz I'm pretty consistent wit actions n sayins. I was talkin to a gurl I knew from lik 3 or 4yrs ago n she was askin me bout how I been n wonderin how I'm doin now n how many gurls I talk to now. I always feel that wen u haven't talk to sum1 in yrs unless u bump into each ova u shuldnt speak, don't use holidays to ignite old flames. After talkin for awhile the conversation turns sour becuase she begins to lash out at me for shit I did yrs ago. I ask myself y is she still mad bout it n y wuld u call me yrs lata n talk bout wat I did yrs ago. U knew me wen I was 16 of course I wasn't lookin for long term I was jus lookin for rite den n now. She continued n said I'm not relationship type of guy...wtf is dat? To me I'm jus not concerned wit havin a wife if I have one I do if I don't I don't. I'm so concerned about how ima finish skool n makin sure I got money. Ppl I jus wana say that unless u tryin settle down smack after college jus see who u can't spend ur time without. Don't stress over relationships there not all that unless u really find that sumbody. Focus on the things that will get u ahead n if someone catches ur attention run wit it but don't focus on it. Live love laugh. -Alley E
These couples of bars sum up my whole life. If i could buy my way to heaven id put all that on hold for my love of material things. I have a heart of bronze, it still glitters but it aint gold. Ive made numerous mistakes in my life that i look back and dont regret but are thankful that i was worthy enough to experience and learn from. Growing up all i had was my grandparents, my ma, aunt n cuzzins. We always keep everythang in the family outsiders had to go through alot to be welcomed in. Im not very religous either sumtimes i pray when i need something or when something comes through for me, other then that i really dont see the need to. Dont get me wrong i believe in God, but i jus dont agree with everythang that is preached which makes it harder and harder for me to listen to what they tell me to do. I think God knew what he was doing when he made me. With that said God be with me and my family through these hard times cuz we need it on this one. Im afraid that once she leaves us, this thing we call a family will be demolished...plz dont let that happen cuz i dont kno how much more pain my heart can take its holdin on by a string...
"And one day ima make my mama proud she aint get no abortion" -Big Sean Sometimes i get dat feelin lik i cant win. Lik everythang u do jus aint right? The feelin dat after every step forward u take three steps back? Sometimes u need more den motivation to be successful. I always told myself i really only have two true eneimies...myself n time. Myself cuz i can hold myself back betta den any else ever culd...n time becuase nothing last forever n one day itll all end. But thebest thing about u bein ur own enemy is dat u kno all ur own moves so u can adapt n change wateva u need to too defeat urself at not accomplishing what u wana do. The best thang bout change is that we can adapt to it. Our minds automatically adapt to shit. I know by reading my blog ud think my life was shit but too tell u da truth i love my life cuz i kno God makes it harder on the strongest people to make sure they stay on they p's n q's. I kno everythang i do now will prepare me too show my seed how to do thangs n be successful cuz its not bout what u accomplished its about what u did for the world. Leave ur mark on the world cuz its not all about u cuz after ur dead n gone how many people gon giv a fuck if u gone if u didnt help others get to the next level. -Alley E
"Ima be late though...i gotta figure out what i wana wear" -we major by kanye west
In my life ive learned that people have grown to be few from far apart which makes it easier for special people to stand out. Its lik seein a tropic tree frog outside ur house in dc. Ull know em wen u see em. Deres a couple tree frogs in my life dat really think to themselves not soundin cocky jus honored that they culdnt see their life witout me. Not matta what if i consider u close to me ima be here for u everyday every hour minute second u need me. Whether im on time or late gettin to u im always here but never to late. My big cuzzin gave me dis card for christmas, really hit home to me how important i am to her. But sometimes i be wonderin do she know how important she is too me? I reallly cant sit n explain it but i mean she had one of the biggest hands in rasin me. She made me into a thoroubread nigga n able to cop wit change even if i dont lik it. I normally sit on top thw world n think about this gurl. To her idk y but im speciali casn brighten her day jus by sayin hey bootiful or i love you. She gets mad wen she doesnt get to talk to me. I think its hilarious...cuz i like it. Im always late to show up wen i cum c u...reason bin i wana c if u gon wait. For ur babyboy. Prom i was real late but i hada figure out what i wana wear...n one day ima b late again at another ceremony cuz i gotta figure out what i wana wear but i got time...n lik u dream about one day u gon b late too babygurl ;). I doubt anybody else got dat but man idc im jus tryin move 3 if da records 2mill im jus tryin sell 3. -Y'all kno his name alley e did dis...
My name is Erik Michael Holden but you can call me E. I read alot but nothin important. I lost my heart to the streets now my hearts in the streets. Yes I was the dinosaur that played in I Robot. Yes I was the polar bear in finding nemo.
