Typically for the past few months i had trouble wit my feelings i had a heavy heart and was dumb stressed. My grandmova told me my heart was heavy cuz i wasnt being honest, bout wat she didnt kno but after talkin to her i figured id sit down n think about it. After almost an hour of carrying on wit my day i culdnt cum up wit anything. I racked my brain until i was lik man fuck it. I soon asked her again what that means, n she said "it may not be somthing that you "lied" about but something that you may b hiding or keeping a secret. After she said that i figured yea i do got a heavy heart cuz of my not always sayin what i really wana say. I try not to speak my mind too much but jus let my opininon out. Because most people aarent ready for the truth. Im not ready for the truth about alot of things. Being that now im happy cuz i really have no worries my life is moving accordingly and im figuring out wats important and to speak wen its important. Im not a person who talks about problems i jus carry shit on cuz i was raised to never show weakness such as fear, jealousy, n greed. I kno how to eat till the foods gone but id much rather make my food stretch (not literally). Being that now i got alot of my chest i do feel better, sumthings are easier den others but hey da ones who care bout ur feelings, thoughts, or even respect watever you tell them doesnt matter cuz itll never change dey perspective of you and da ones who it do matter too they dont matter. I figure the true meanin of happiness cant b obtained, cuz there's always sumthing but you can live your life lookin at da glass half full. No its not always sunny but dont let the clouds rain on ur parade. Ive had so many bad situations in my life dat sumtimes it is hard to keep moving on but somehow someway i keep on movin. I dont worry bout da next nigga i jus worry bout me (learned that in preschool) cuz what da next nigga eat doesnt make you shit (jay z). Ive learned to let go and how to make myself feel good throughout the day, music, smoke, joke time, sex, drinks, friends n good times is all i kno. Sometimes i look at people and i tell myself i dont wana end up lik them. Im not gud wit speakin out loud bout how i feel but im real gud at hidin how i feel. except wen im mad but i rarely get mad now i jus dont care bout it so dat way it wont ruin my day. I avoid problems n stay high. Im not here to impress anybody im here to live my life. Im not tryin be successful im tryin b significant. I can do bad by myself but i can do better wit my niggas, cuz ima family man i take care of the family man (juelz santana). So people as i bring this post to an end lighten the load on ur heart cuz lies, secrets, n grudges will b da downfall of you. free yourself n if people cant bang wit wat you doin fuck em den. you gotta get in where you fit it. now time for a spliff before class.
-alleyboye
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