because it hurts

Tell me what u kno bout pain? Waking up everynite in a cold sweat? Sumtimes not goin to sleep cuz ur mind is so heavy wit pain u jus can't sleep? I put the blanket over my shoulders cuz its a cold world. I hav a huge trust problem. Which makes it so I struggle to believe sum1 wants to do gud by me. I always try to tell myself I'm too blessed to be stressed. Y am I liein to myself. Ova da past year I've lost 4friends n I'm slowly losin one of da closest my grandma...I sumhow messed up my thang wit her to. But I can't explain y I can't do what my body wants. The brain is powerful n mysterious. It controls ur actions. The brain knows wat da heart wants n does wat da heart asks. I look at my lost friends tombstones n wonder if everythang is everythang there. I hope it aint no beefs up in heaven no hoods no guns to take my mans away. TCB n backYard playevery nite n dey always rockin. I hope dat joint dat had ur hert on earth still loves u n yall b reunited again. The demons in me put pictures of death n suicide in my ming but my strongwill won't let me. Idk whod b hurt modt or betta yet @ all my kife wen I looked @ it half a year ago wasn't dat bad I was haPpy. Sometimes its nice for sumbody to heal those pains. But no one can cuz I culdnt tell u where to strt so I ask again wat is pain n how long will it rule my sleep...

california dreamin

I think everyday that I wake up I dream about movin and livin in california. It literally is a lifelong dream for me. Wen I close my eyes I can feel the warm weather n nice breeze. I can smell the dank that I'm gonna b able to roll up. The whole atmosphere in cali relaxes me jus thinkin bout it. I wuldnt even mind the work as long as I'm there. Boardwalks in da so called winter time. Exclusive clothes n lifestyle that comes wit it. As I read the hundreds blog n look at the pictures...damn one day it will be my reality. If dis clothin line pickes up u have no idea how quick ima pack my shit n roll. I hope to one day b one of those guys who has a popular brand of clothes. Where my life consists of me n my creativity alone. Where I can explore. I don't need to b rich cuz money is da root of all evil. I jus wana make the money I need to make my dream become a reality. I hope my art takes me far n my creativity takes me even futher. Cuz ima need a camera...a dope ass one so I can show ppl wat they missin bout that california lifestyle...
Dream big or don't dream at all cuz u sell urself short wen u limit ur dreams.
Wit that being said I leave you with this song a million dollars by big shawn enjoy this creative video cuz this is how I feel everyday captures my mind on video...

Uhh, I am the topic of conversation, this a celebration,
Lets toast to the fact that I moved out my momma basement,
To a condo downtown because its all about location,
I sit and drink wine and watch californication of life,
You shoulda been here to kick it with me,
We coulda split this whole thing up 50/50,
But now i’m at the 40-/40 getting b-tches tipsy,
Killing sh*t the ever so talented Mr Ripley,
How I go from being the man that you argue with,
To me and Dwayne Carter putting out the hardest sh*t,
I should wanna go back to the one I started with,
But I’m addicted to this life its gonna be hard to quit,
Yeah, just ask me how things are coming along,
You can tell me that you never heard none of my songs,
Long as you end up saying one day you plan to listen,
Cuz whats a star when its most important fan is missing?
-Say Something by timberland ft. Drake
-Alley E...California Dreamin

heart of the city

"In time she'll mature n be all she can be lik the reserves"
Lost One by Jay Z
Through my days I struggle wit the concept of the future. I'm not sure of it at all to be honest. I wonder wat it holds for me n wat can I achieve if I apply myself. Everybody expects greatness from me n I can feel the pressure. I wake up everyday wit a terrible attitude n a fuck off writtin across my face. After my shower n music that I can relate too I get in my let's get it mood. People can't normally tell how I feel or wats on my mind cuz I'm pretty consistent wit actions n sayins. I was talkin to a gurl I knew from lik 3 or 4yrs ago n she was askin me bout how I been n wonderin how I'm doin now n how many gurls I talk to now. I always feel that wen u haven't talk to sum1 in yrs unless u bump into each ova u shuldnt speak, don't use holidays to ignite old flames. After talkin for awhile the conversation turns sour becuase she begins to lash out at me for shit I did yrs ago. I ask myself y is she still mad bout it n y wuld u call me yrs lata n talk bout wat I did yrs ago. U knew me wen I was 16 of course I wasn't lookin for long term I was jus lookin for rite den n now. She continued n said I'm not relationship type of guy...wtf is dat? To me I'm jus not concerned wit havin a wife if I have one I do if I don't I don't. I'm so concerned about how ima finish skool n makin sure I got money. Ppl I jus wana say that unless u tryin settle down smack after college jus see who u can't spend ur time without. Don't stress over relationships there not all that unless u really find that sumbody. Focus on the things that will get u ahead n if someone catches ur attention run wit it but don't focus on it. Live love laugh.
-Alley E

slippin fallin cant get up

"I had a dream i could buy my way to heaven

when i awoke i spent that on a necklace

I told God id be back in a second

Man, its so hard not to act reckless

To whom much is given much is tested

get arrested guess until he gets the message

I feel the pressure, under more scrutiny

and what i do act more stupidly"

Cant tell me nothing by Kanye West

These couples of bars sum up my whole life. If i could buy my way to heaven id put all that on hold for my love of material things. I have a heart of bronze, it still glitters but it aint gold. Ive made numerous mistakes in my life that i look back and dont regret but are thankful that i was worthy enough to experience and learn from. Growing up all i had was my grandparents, my ma, aunt n cuzzins. We always keep everythang in the family outsiders had to go through alot to be welcomed in. Im not very religous either sumtimes i pray when i need something or when something comes through for me, other then that i really dont see the need to. Dont get me wrong i believe in God, but i jus dont agree with everythang that is preached which makes it harder and harder for me to listen to what they tell me to do. I think God knew what he was doing when he made me. With that said God be with me and my family through these hard times cuz we need it on this one. Im afraid that once she leaves us, this thing we call a family will be demolished...plz dont let that happen cuz i dont kno how much more pain my heart can take its holdin on by a string...

-Erik Holden

What you hada go and do that for?

Nicki...all i gotta say is y u do that to that track it didnt deserve to die, cuz shawty u killed it!

jus cuz its a young money thang ima post this video for your enjoyment here yall go...

"gurl i gotta watch my back im not jus anybody"

-alley e

make em smile

"And one day ima make my mama proud she aint get no abortion"
-Big Sean
Sometimes i get dat feelin lik i cant win. Lik everythang u do jus aint right? The feelin dat after every step forward u take three steps back? Sometimes u need more den motivation to be successful. I always told myself i really only have two true eneimies...myself n time. Myself cuz i can hold myself back betta den any else ever culd...n time becuase nothing last forever n one day itll all end. But thebest thing about u bein ur own enemy is dat u kno all ur own moves so u can adapt n change wateva u need to too defeat urself at not accomplishing what u wana do. The best thang bout change is that we can adapt to it. Our minds automatically adapt to shit. I know by reading my blog ud think my life was shit but too tell u da truth i love my life cuz i kno God makes it harder on the strongest people to make sure they stay on they p's n q's. I kno everythang i do now will prepare me too show my seed how to do thangs n be successful cuz its not bout what u accomplished its about what u did for the world. Leave ur mark on the world cuz its not all about u cuz after ur dead n gone how many people gon giv a fuck if u gone if u didnt help others get to the next level.
-Alley E

we major?

"Ima be late though...i gotta figure out what i wana wear"
-we major by kanye west

In my life ive learned that people have grown to be few from far apart which makes it easier for special people to stand out. Its lik seein a tropic tree frog outside ur house in dc. Ull know em wen u see em. Deres a couple tree frogs in my life dat really think to themselves not soundin cocky jus honored that they culdnt see their life witout me. Not matta what if i consider u close to me ima be here for u everyday every hour minute second u need me. Whether im on time or late gettin to u im always here but never to late. My big cuzzin gave me dis card for christmas, really hit home to me how important i am to her. But sometimes i be wonderin do she know how important she is too me? I reallly cant sit n explain it but i mean she had one of the biggest hands in rasin me. She made me into a thoroubread nigga n able to cop wit change even if i dont lik it. I normally sit on top thw world n think about this gurl. To her idk y but im speciali casn brighten her day jus by sayin hey bootiful or i love you. She gets mad wen she doesnt get to talk to me. I think its hilarious...cuz i like it. Im always late to show up wen i cum c u...reason bin i wana c if u gon wait. For ur babyboy. Prom i was real late but i hada figure out what i wana wear...n one day ima b late again at another ceremony cuz i gotta figure out what i wana wear but i got time...n lik u dream about one day u gon b late too babygurl ;). I doubt anybody else got dat but man idc im jus tryin move 3 if da records 2mill im jus tryin sell 3.
-Y'all kno his name alley e did dis...