because it hurts

Tell me what u kno bout pain? Waking up everynite in a cold sweat? Sumtimes not goin to sleep cuz ur mind is so heavy wit pain u jus can't sleep? I put the blanket over my shoulders cuz its a cold world. I hav a huge trust problem. Which makes it so I struggle to believe sum1 wants to do gud by me. I always try to tell myself I'm too blessed to be stressed. Y am I liein to myself. Ova da past year I've lost 4friends n I'm slowly losin one of da closest my grandma...I sumhow messed up my thang wit her to. But I can't explain y I can't do what my body wants. The brain is powerful n mysterious. It controls ur actions. The brain knows wat da heart wants n does wat da heart asks. I look at my lost friends tombstones n wonder if everythang is everythang there. I hope it aint no beefs up in heaven no hoods no guns to take my mans away. TCB n backYard playevery nite n dey always rockin. I hope dat joint dat had ur hert on earth still loves u n yall b reunited again. The demons in me put pictures of death n suicide in my ming but my strongwill won't let me. Idk whod b hurt modt or betta yet @ all my kife wen I looked @ it half a year ago wasn't dat bad I was haPpy. Sometimes its nice for sumbody to heal those pains. But no one can cuz I culdnt tell u where to strt so I ask again wat is pain n how long will it rule my sleep...